Protecting Your Peace & Creating Your Own Traditions.
Boundaries. There are so many nuances and layers to this topic. How do you go about setting them, what do you do when people don’t respect them? What are the benefits of having them? The list goes on.
For me, learning about and setting boundaries was something I really struggled with in adulthood and honestly, didn’t even feel like I had a good grasp on until recently. Something that really kick-started my progress with boundaries was marriage and starting my own family. I know what you’re thinking, and no this is not all about getting along with in-laws. Although I know that is a hot topic for a lot of women. It’s more about finding the value in setting boundaries, how they can bring you peace, and how to deal with the moments when they’re not respected.
Having your own family changes everything – regardless of whether or not you choose to have children. One of the things that I think surprises most people is how much it changes your relationship with the people you’ve known your entire life- your family. Suddenly, the old way of doings things might not interest you anymore.
One of the biggest challenges I hear from other moms (and have felt myself) is setting boundaries. Not because we don’t want connection, but because we need room to grow into this new chapter. Boundaries are seen so differently throughout the generations. More often that not, they are seen in a negative light and not received well. Most matriarchs feel like boundaries are about being shut out, but really, they’re about making space for yourself, your children, your peace and your partnership. And when those boundaries aren’t respected? It doesn’t just wear on you- it can wear on your relationships, too.
Boundaries aren’t meant to be harsh (although sometimes they need to be). They’re necessary. They help protect the emotional safety of the family you’re building, and if you’re anything like me, that is the most important thing in the world.
Before I had kids, I found it much easier to go with the flow. I could stay late at family events, jump from house to house on a holiday, and stretch myself thin just to avoid disappointing someone. I’m certainly not advocating for that, just saying it was easier. Now? My time, energy, and emotional bandwidth are all limited resources. Resources that I am very selfish with. I’ve learned that keeping everyone else happy comes at the expense of my own well-being, and that’s not something most of us can afford.
Becoming a mom is not just about raising children- it’s about becoming someone entirely new. A new version of yourself is born. This version is more intentional, more protective, and has a brand-new clear vision of what really matters. Part of that transformation means creating your own traditions. Maybe it’s spending Christmas morning at home in pajamas, instead of rushing out the door. Maybe it’s taking every Sunday slow, making pancakes and watching tv. Whatever it is, these moments matter- even if they don’t matter to someone else.
For me, creating new traditions with my family was deeply personal. I did not grow up with a lot of joyful memories or safe spaces, so creating that for my kids felt like a second chance. A chance to build something full of safety, love, and positive core memories. I’m just not willing to sacrifice that to keep someone else comfortable or feed into their need for control.
This isn’t easy- especially if you’re used to keeping the peace or have family members who don’t take “no” well. And if we are being honest, it can get even trickier with in-laws. People you did not grow up with but suddenly feel obligated to cater to. I’ve been there. I still find myself there sometimes. But I had to come to terms with something: my kids deserve a home filled with joy that I created, not stress that I inherited. That realization changed everything, and it helped me find my voice.
Now, what’s even harder than setting boundaries? When people ignore and disrespect them. You’ve made all of the progress and put in the work when it comes to setting the healthy boundaries, then comes the work of getting people to respect them. Have you ever been guilted for choosing to stay home during the holidays or missing a family function? Maybe someone throws in a “You’ve really changed since the baby came…” (Yes. You have. And you were supposed to.) Or you ask someone not to do something when it comes to your child, and they do it anyway.
When that pushback starts, it’s not just about the tension with that one person—it’s the way it seeps into your partnership. You and your spouse start having the same stressful conversations over and over. That’s when I start to get really angry. When someone else’s lack of respect for my family boundaries creeps in and disrupts my peace with my partner? Watch out.
My husband and I have learned the power of “we” statements. Saying “We’ve decided to stay home this year” is a small shift, but it sends a big message: we’re aligned. We’re choosing what’s best for our family. We’re prioritizing peace over people-pleasing.
Of course, there is a lot of behind the scenes work and preparation that goes into that—talking through what matters to us, making space for each other’s triggers, giving grace when we’re not perfectly in sync. But having each other’s back makes everything else easier. Why is this so important to me? Aside from being in my protection era, I know this matters because my daughters are watching. I want them to see what a strong, respectful partnership looks like. One that honors both parents and puts our family first.
There are a few things that I consistently have to remind myself as I continue setting boundaries as the priorities in my life shift:
You don’t have to over-explain. “No” is a complete sentence.
Set expectations early. Avoid the answers like “maybe” or “we’ll see.” It just makes things harder later.
It’s okay if people are disappointed. It is not your job to manage other people’s feelings. They’re adults. They’ll figure it out.
You’re not the bad guy. Setting a boundary doesn’t make you the problem. Refusing to respect it does.
Peace isn’t passive—it’s something you create on purpose. And sometimes that means standing firm, saying no, and making choices that not everyone will understand.
You’re allowed to do that. You’re allowed to protect your peace. You’re allowed to build new traditions. And you’re absolutely allowed to become this stronger, more intentional version of yourself—a mom who leads with love and doesn’t back down from what her family needs.
