Let Them…
If you haven’t heard about the “Let Them” theory by Mel Robbins yet, then I don’t believe you. A friend recently lent me her book, saying that she thought a certain chapter would resonate with me (she was right). I ended up really liking the entire book — even though, if I’m honest, a lot of it felt aspirational more than actionable.
Early in the book, Robbins makes it clear that most of her advice isn’t meant for parenting. But of course, my mom-brain latched onto that and thought about how I could apply it to parenting the entire time I read it.
So, here’s my unofficial, definitely-not-endorsed-by-Mel-Robbins version of “Let Them” for moms:
Let them wear two different socks
Let them go to the grocery store in the princess dress
Let them eat mac and cheese for dinner five nights in a row
Let them ask for one more book
Let them splash like wild animals in the tub
Let them run barefoot through the yard and turn brown with dirt
I KNOW — easier said than done. Because while we’re “letting them,” we’re also cleaning up, keeping time, and trying not to unravel. Sometimes I genuinely cannot read one more book or clean up one more puddle or throw the same pair of muddy shoes in the washer again. More often than not, by the time bedtime rolls around I am mentally and physically done for the day. Crawling to the finish line. But something I have thought about recently is that maybe I’m crawling to the finish line because I feel like I’ve been at war all day. Also, full disclosure, I am a control freak. So, having my kid leave the house mismatched with unbrushed hair makes my skin crawl. Just to give you an idea of how NOT easy this is for me.
I have to mention the pressure that’s always there and that comes from watching other moms — especially online. I think most moms who don’t start out striving for perfection, could easily be swayed towards that mindset from social media alone. It’s easy to scroll through picture-perfect playrooms, color-coordinated outfits, and smiling faces and think, “She’s figured it out. Her kids must never melt down. She probably always says yes to the extra book.” But we’re only seeing the highlight reel, not the moments when she’s crying in the pantry or snapping at bedtime. Still, those curated glimpses can make us feel like we’re falling short, like we have to make every moment Pinterest-worthy to measure up. And that pressure is exhausting. It convinces us that if things don’t look perfect, we’re somehow failing. But perfection isn’t real. Our kids don’t need a flawless experience. They just need us, showing up with love, even when their socks don’t match.
A friend told me a story over coffee that stuck with me. This particular friend and I parent very similarly and thrive on structure. Her child had asked to hear a specific song before bed. She said no because it was late. That one “no” spiraled into a full-on meltdown, which ended up dragging bedtime out longer than if she had just played the song. At the end, she laughed and said, “In hindsight… what would it have hurt to just play the song?”
I think about that story all the time. I’m sure she would laugh if she knew the impact it had on me.
It resonated with me so much because, I am that mom. The one who says no to the extra book because it’s past bedtime. The one who cringes when the new shirt they want to wear 5 minutes before we have to walk out the door doesn’t match the pants. The one who cuts off the TV at exactly 8:30. It’s just how I’m wired — structure is my comfort zone. Routine makes me feel safe.
But lately, I’ve been trying to pause and ask myself, What’s the real cost here?
If I say yes, what am I actually losing — and what might they be gaining?
Sometimes, the answer still has to be no, especially when my tank is empty. And that’s okay. But sometimes — maybe more than I thought — it can be yes. Yes, to the mismatched outfit. Yes, to the extra bedtime story. Yes, to five more minutes. I’ve been really surprising myself lately! And guess what? The world hasn’t ended. In fact, it’s a little more joyful. There’s been more laughter, fewer meltdowns, and a surprising amount of peace — because I’m slowly learning that letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It just means knowing that perfection isn’t the goal. As always, these shifts in my behavior and approach to parenting always revolve around making sure my daughters are growing up in a healthy environment. I don’t want them to grow up watching me strive for perfection, I want them to know that mistakes and imperfection are normal. Additionally, I want to model how you can bounce back from mistakes without feeling like a failure.
So, to the moms out there clinging to routine and trying to hold it all together: same.
But maybe next time, if you feel like you can… just let them. Try it out and see what changes for you.
